Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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