M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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