She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
