wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
