I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
