I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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