I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
This house was built for laser tag.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Randomize
