She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You were trust falling into bushes
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
