what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
