5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize