i love accidental penises.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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