Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
