i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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