I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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