whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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