so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
