Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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