I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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