So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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