hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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