So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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