Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
