We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
