one word: firstdatebathroomanal
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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