she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
