Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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