TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
