About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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