I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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