Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
