left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
