I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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