oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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