We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
