TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
