Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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