You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
