She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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