Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
