I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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