i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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