I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
