How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize