OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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