I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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