Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Randomize
