I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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