i just google imaged poop.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
