Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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