I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
