So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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