check it out our google latitudes are spooning
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
