Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
