...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
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