I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
she told me i tasted like america
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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