Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize