his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
