I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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