It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
