I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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