A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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