You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
