we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
