Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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