Soap is not a condiment
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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