All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
