I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
