"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Dignity is for republicans.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
