Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
false alarm, still single
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
