Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
