shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
