If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
